Missionary Sex
Why the world’s most “basic” position might actually be the best one you’re not doing enough.
Let’s be honest... missionary sex gets a bad rap. It’s often thought of as boring, unimaginative, or just a default for people who haven’t explored the more exotic pages of the Kama Sutra. But here’s the truth, missionary isn’t boring... it’s brilliant. And if you’ve been underestimating this classic position, it’s time to give it another go, because when done right, it can be deeply intimate, intensely pleasurable, and surprisingly versatile.
So, whether you’re a total beginner, someone rediscovering sex after a break, or just looking to spice up your regular routine, this guide will walk you through everything you need to know about missionary and how to fall in love with it all over again.
What is Missionary Sex?
Missionary sex is a classic position where one partner lies on their back, and the other lies on top, face to face, between their legs. The penetrating partner typically takes the top position, thrusting while maintaining full body contact. It’s simple, familiar, and ideal for moments of closeness and connection.
It’s named “missionary” supposedly due to early religious teachings that promoted it as the most “proper” way to have sex. But don’t let that reputation fool you, missionary is anything but boring when you know how to make the most of it.
What makes missionary so unique is how intimate it is. You’re close enough to feel each other’s breath, kiss deeply, and make eye contact. There’s something special about being able to wrap yourself around someone while completely present in the moment.
The beauty of missionary is that it’s a fantastic starting point but it can be dressed up, tweaked, and transformed into something far more dynamic than people give it credit for.
How to have Missionary Sex
Let’s walk through the actual mechanics of missionary and how to make it feel amazing for both of you.
1. Get Comfortable
Start by making sure you’re both relaxed and comfortable. A soft bed, maybe some pillows, and a bit of atmosphere, mood lighting, music, anything that helps set the tone. Comfort helps you focus on each other instead of getting distracted by awkward limbs or creaky bedsprings.
2. Position Yourselves
The receiving partner lies on their back, either with their legs flat, bent at the knees, or slightly parted. The penetrating partner lies on top, positioned between their partner’s thighs. From here, penetration can begin, slowly and with intention.
A pillow placed under the receiving partner’s hips can really improve the angle of penetration and increase sensation, especially if you’re looking to stimulate the G-spot.
3. Use Condoms and Lube - Every Time
If you're not in a monogamous relationship or avoiding pregnancy and STIs, condoms are essential. They’re not just about safety, they also take away any stress, allowing you both to relax and focus entirely on pleasure. Always keep a stash nearby so you're not caught off guard.
And then there’s lube. Whether you’re using condoms, toys, or just want to enhance sensation, lube is your best friend. A good water based lube is safe with condoms and most sex toys, while silicone based lubes offer a slicker, longer-lasting feel... perfect for those longer sessions or extra friction.
No matter how turned on you are, don’t skip the lube. It reduces discomfort, prevents micro-tears, and makes everything feel smoother and more enjoyable. Generosity is key.
Read more: Condom Guide
Read more: Guide to Lubricants
4. Start Slow and Build
There’s no rush. Once penetration begins, go slow. Tune into your partner’s reactions and find a rhythm that feels good for both of you. Some couples prefer gentle, sensual strokes, while others like deeper, more powerful movements. You can explore both, switch things up during the session to keep it exciting.
5. Make the Most of Your Hands and Mouth
One of the best parts about missionary is the full access to each other’s bodies. Kiss their neck, bite their shoulder, whisper in their ear. Use your hands to tease nipples, trace along thighs, stroke hair, it’s a position made for multi-sensory pleasure.
If the receiving partner wants clitoral stimulation, one hand can easily reach down, or a small bullet vibrator can be introduced for that extra edge. Don’t be shy... pleasure is teamwork.
Why Should We Partake in Missionary?
So why bother with missionary when there are dozens of wild, creative positions out there? Simple. Because missionary offers things that many other positions can’t or at least not in the same way.
1. It's Deeply Intimate
Missionary allows you to see each other fully: eyes, face, expressions, reactions. It’s the position for couples who want to feel connected emotionally as well as physically. There’s something powerful about being so close, so present, and so involved with your partner in the moment.
2. It's Beginner-Friendly
Whether you’re exploring sex for the first time, returning after a break, or simply want something straightforward, missionary provides a structure that’s easy to understand and easy to adjust. You don’t need to overthink it, which helps keep anxiety low and pleasure high.
3. It Allows For Deep Penetration
Missionary enables deep, consistent thrusting. By adjusting the hips with a pillow or raising the legs, you can shift the angle to target pleasure zones more directly. It’s especially effective for stimulating the G-spot in people with vulvas.
4. It's Flexible and Freeing
Contrary to popular belief, missionary doesn’t have to be static. You’re free to move, adjust, change pace, and explore. Hands can roam, mouths can find new places to explore, and you can talk, tease, and connect throughout.
5. It's Ideal for Foreplay, Aftercare, and Cuddle
This is a position that naturally transitions into everything else. Want a bit of nipple play during sex? Easy. Fancy a long cuddle and kiss afterwards? You’re already halfway there. It’s a position that invites softness as much as it invites heat.
How to Spice Up Missionary Sex
Ready to take missionary to the next level? Here’s how to turn a classic into something completely fresh and exciting.
Change Up the Leg Positions
By simply shifting leg placement, you can alter depth, angle, and sensation. Try:
- Legs wrapped around your partner's wait - adds intimacy an closeness
- Knees bent with feet flat on the bed - give the receiver more control
- Legs over the partner's shoulders - allow for deep. intense pleasure
Use a Vibrator or Sex Toy
Adding a toy during missionary can boost pleasure for both partners. A clitoral vibrator during penetration can lead to powerful blended orgasms, while a cock ring or dildo can add sensation and stimulation.
Read more: Sex Toy Guide
Explore Dirty Talk and Fantasy
Missionary may be physically tame, but that doesn’t mean your words have to be. Use the close proximity to whisper what you’re feeling, what you want to do next, or even play out a fantasy scenario. A bit of verbal confidence can bring a whole new layer of arousal.
Add Sensory Extras
Try blindfolds, gentle restraints, or a bit of temperature play (like warm massage oil) to heighten other senses. These additions create anticipation and intensity, turning missionary into something far more adventurous.
Read more: What is BDSM?
Mirror the Moment
Set up a mirror near the bed so you can both see what’s happening. Watching your bodies move together is not only a massive turn-on, it gives you a brand new visual perspective of your connection.
Missionary Deserves More Love
At the end of the day, missionary isn’t boring... it’s misunderstood. It’s the perfect blend of closeness, comfort, and chemistry, with all the flexibility to suit different needs and desires. With the right mindset (and a generous splash of lube), it becomes one of the most powerful, pleasurable positions you can explore.
So next time you’re tempted to skip over missionary in favour of something more dramatic, pause and reconsider. There’s a reason this position has stood the test of time... it works. And when you make it yours, it’s anything but ordinary.
